Dear New York Tribune,

Airplanes aren't real. I figured out how they do it.

The windows are TV screens. The whole thing moves on big tracks like a rollercoaster that moves through underground tunnels in the Earth. Airports are more like train stations.

They do this because the sky is full of monsters that they don't want us to know about. The planes we see in the sky are the monsters. The government made the Earth-trains look like the monsters so they could lie to us better.

Don't contact me.